Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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