He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize