My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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