I can't watch pbs sober anymore
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
It was confusing and full of hummus
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
