Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
