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his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
