Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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