I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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