1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
