btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
