Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
