my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
This is the high leading the old right now
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
