Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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