meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
