awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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