I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
are you so shy because you have an std?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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