I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
