Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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