Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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