I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize