i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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