It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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