puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
