I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
