What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
