im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
