you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
