The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
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I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
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I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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