their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You may now shotgun with the bride
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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