Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
