Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
