That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
