Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
