you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
