I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
