it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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