I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
