She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
