he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
