So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
