Swine flu. Run for my life!
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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