That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
