New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
