break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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