I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
