I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
