Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I will pee on everything he values.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
