he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
