she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
