Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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