her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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