Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
