he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize