my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
