omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I need moral support for this bender
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
