he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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