Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
