why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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