New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
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