I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
I'm just looking out for you.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?