This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize