Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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