What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
