If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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