I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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