my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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