we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
