It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
