she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
